I never thought I would start over after the age of 60. But, yes, I have made that exact decision. Some days I wonder, “What the hell was I thinking?”. I want to crawl back to the safety and comfort of what was—to wake up knowing what I could expect each day.
I sold my house because I felt it was “owning me” with all its upkeep and expenses. The first weeks after selling my house, I moved in temporarily with my sister and her partner. They were so welcoming yet I felt lost at times. I felt alone and I couldn’t think past the moment. I had a constant knot in my gut accompanied by anxious thoughts, “Where am I going to go after this?”.
At the same time, I was amazed I was able to live with so few favorite and necessary things. I find comfort in spending time with the man I love and his support has been wonderful. He and I have vague plans together, but the future is unknown. How can I explain the feelings of loss, discomfort, and fear, but at the same time feeling free, so open, and excited about change?
And I accept this. I meditate daily on transitioning and positive affirmations. I give gratitude for the love and support I have as well as for my work. I enjoy helping my clients to ease into new patterns of living, to begin being brave, ready, and cognizant as they make those changes. I counsel and offer life coaching to my clients through their life transitions. Right now, I am doing the same for me.
The structure of my office, a place to listen and support others by creatively helping, is exceptionally welcome at this time in life. It’s so important to open up to change and know that we are constantly changing even when we feel no movement, which can be subtle and sublime at times. Recently, my friend reminded me, “a seed has been planted, now the growth will begin.”
Have you ever felt like you made a choice—a life change, relationship shift, a physical move, or career decision—and then realized after you made it, it didn’t feel perfect or seamless? I believe that sometimes change doesn’t have to feel right at the time. We need to give ourselves time to acclimate and trust the journey.
I am now commuting to work, stopping at my storage unit periodically to, for example, pick up a car seat for my visiting granddaughter and then today replacing it after an enjoyable visit with my daughter and her 6-year-old. When I see my favorite things in the storage unit, I miss them, so I retrieved a couple of items before locking up my memories again.
The memories, no matter where I am, remain so poignant. When living in my house, I was comfortable with memories of the 28 years I raised my children. But memories weren’t enough to keep me there. I had a routine, familiarity, and yet, I felt stuck for a few years before I impulsively put my house back on the market and accepted the first offer I received.
As I went through my belongings, I felt tearful letting go of the large overstuffed chair where I read stories to my children and grandchildren. Even the sculptures the children made in school left me torn and guilty when I tossed some of them. The soft, loving memories were vivid and eventually, I could let go without tears. Memories seem to be embedded deeply in our hearts and our brain seems to remember and relive the loving, sweet, wonderful memories and eventually forget the negative.
Did I make the right decision? There is no right or wrong, just a movement or a rut. It’s a huge change from autonomy back to dependence. The lesson I’m learning is to let go, trust, and to ask for help when I need it. This is a wonderful and an uncomfortable lesson for me.
For now, two months later, I continue on my journey, lifting the anchor as my course changes. Some days, I feel like my wings have been clipped and I am free to soar.
Learn more about starting over again at sixty or any age. No matter your transition, as a life coach or therapist, I can help you embrace change so you can let the growth begin. No matter what kind of relationships you have, the one with yourself is where it begins.
Visit my practice and get to know me and how I can help you through life or relationship transitions at http://www.relationshiponlinecoaching.com